Sea of Anxiety
by QueenKenzo
Summary: Dan has been homeschooled his whole life cause of his major anxiety so when he finally goes to school his sophomore year of high school,  Phil is assigned to help him. Will they fall for each other? Teenage Au Phanfic


Dan always knew he was different. It all started when he was just 3 years old and was at the park with his mother. His mom had wanted him to play with another kid his age, the son of one of her friends. He had been completely fine for a minute until his mother left him. He threw the biggest fit imaginable even for a 3 year old. His mother immediately rushed to his side. She just assumed it was a phase, and he would grow out of it. It wasn't until Dan was 8 that she actually started thinking something was wrong. Dan's teacher had called halfway through the day telling her she needed to come to the school. When she arrived, she found Dan sitting in the corner of his classroom in a full on panic attack, crying and muttering about how no one in his class liked him and how he was going to fail at school and be kicked out before he was 10. Basically worrying about things no 8 year old should worry about. His teacher was sitting next to him trying to coax him out using calming words.

" Dan?" Dan's mom called out

As soon as he heard her he looked up in her direction and she could she the sadness and fear in his eyes. She immediately knew something was seriously wrong. Eventually they got him calmed down, but Dan's teacher wanted to talk to her in private

" Listen Mrs. Howell. This all started because some little girl came up to Dan wanting to play with him. Dan doesn't ever talk to anyone in this class. He barely talks to me. I'm sorry Mrs. Howell but I would recommend getting him checked for anxiety. Also homeschooling might be something you want to consider. This school loves your son, but obviously this is not something that's working for him."

The next week Dan was diagnosed with severe anxiety and they were told that if it got much worse it could evolve into depression or personality disorders.

That night, Dan's mom cried herself to sleep. Her precious little boy had severe anxiety? He was so young and now his life would be spent trying to keep it all under control.

A few days later Dan was pulled out of school. Without all the worries of school, Dan was more stress free. He still had panic attacks, but they only happened once every few days. He had no problem learning at home, and was actually a very smart kid. He grew very close to his mother as she was one of the few people he trusted.

When Dan was 16, his therapist decided that it was time he was enrolled in school. When they first pulled him out of school, they believed his anxiety was decreasing, but through the years, his anxiety got worse until it was at an all time high. Now Dan couldn't get through a day without at least 2 panic attacks. His mother and his therapist believed it was for the best to get him in school to hopefully help him make some friends. It was mid March so most kids only had a couple of months of school left. One day the Principal came to his house. He brought a tall kid with jet black hair with him.

Dan POV

Dan was sitting in his room playing Mario Kart. He had all the lights off( it calmed him down) and was currently in first place. Suddenly his mom knocked on his door( he made her always promise to do so because it freaked him out when she just came in. He quickly paused it and told his mom she could come in. She was carrying a plate of cookies and looked worried. She handed him the plate of cookies before sitting down next to him on his bed.

"Dan," she said softly, " Remember that talk we had a few weeks ago?" Dan nodded " Remember how I mentioned that someone from the school might come and visit with us" Dan nodded again suddenly feeling like he was going to have a panic attack " They're here Dan"

Dan closed his eyes. Now he knew he was going to freak out. He knew all the symptoms .First, his breathing became fast. He couldn't control that. Then everything around him faded away. It wasn't that everything turned black. The whole room just seemed to turn sort of grey. Then he would forget where he was. The tears would start to burn his eyes and blur the room even more. Then he would start to scream. It wasn't like he could control it. It just...sort of happened. Then, the next thing he knew everything just stopped and he was fine again. He would just suddenly be in his room again and he wouldn't know how long had passed. Usually it was at least an hour. This time Dan woke up and he could tell a lot longer had passed. Before his panic attack, the lights had been off, but now it was much darker, the darkness only night provides. He guessed it was maybe 7 or 8 in the evening. His mom was sitting next to him looking worried. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying. She reached out to him

" Dan, I was so worried that you wouldn't snap out of it. The people from the school….they're still here. They want to meet you."

Dan tried to speak, but his voice provided nothing. He supposed it was a mix of the anxiety with the fact that he must have been screaming non-stop for hours. Instead he just nodded and the next thing he knew he was downstairs. He supposed he had walked there, but couldn't remember getting there. He just remembered suddenly being there and seeing an old man sitting next to a tall kid with jet black hair.

The old man spoke " Hello Dan. I'm Mr. Jones. We at Middle Crest High have heard a lot about you. This is Phil," he said pointing to the kid next to him " He's a senior. He has enough credits to graduate, but agreed to stay behind a few months to help you settle in to school." Phil smiled and waved at him. Dan's mom told Dan to go show Phil to his room. Dan nodded and lead Phil up the stairs and into the dark lair that Dan spent most of his time in. They both sat on the edge of his bed, and Dan just kinda gave a nervous smile. Dan didn't know if Phil could sense his anxiety but Phil just kinda started off on this whole rant. He went on and on about his life and about the school and Dan never even had to ask him a question. Phil seemed to be the perfect opposite of him, very loud and bright and happy, but Dan didn't seem to mind. Soon, Dan was laughing and smiling with Phil. Eventually Phil had to leave, Dan felt sad that he had to go. It seemed strange to him that he felt like he was best friends with this boy after only a few hours. In all the time Phil had been there, Dan had never even uttered a word and yet he felt closer to him then he had ever felt to another human being. Dan felt himself growing excited to go to school, to even spend time with Phil.

A week later, and it was finally time for Dan to go to school. His mother had told him not to worry about waking up early and that whatever time he woke up Phil would be there to take him. He woke up around 10 and quickly got dressed. Phil drove him to school and they got there right after the last class before lunch started. Phil walked with him into the classroom and handed the teacher a note. The teacher nodded and handed Phil a packet before telling them to go sit down. They sat in the only available seats, which just happened to be in the back corner of the classroom. Dan briefly wondered if the teacher had planned that out before they arrived. When they sat down, Phil explained the assignment to Dan and Dan caught on fast. He soon was able to do the problems quickly while also listening to Phil drone on about how boring and mean that certain teacher was. Again, Dan didn't say a word. He just listened and quietly laughed and smiled. Dan had forgotten that he was even nervous when-

Riiinnnng- the bell went off. When they arrived before they arrived after the bell had rung, so Dan had no idea what was happening and before he knew it he was on the floor and the room around him was blurring to a soft grey. Dan heard quiet whispers around him which only sent him further into his haze. Dan could feel the tears trying to come out and his voice wanting to scream when suddenly he heard something, a single voice in the black sea of whispers. It was Phil's voice, calling to him. Calling his name. Calling him back. And then the world of grey burst into a million colors. He saw Phils face in front of him. He felt Phil's hands cling to his own. He looked into Phil's deep blue eyes, calming him down until he was no longer worried he would slip back into panic mode. Dan was surprised. Never before had someone gotten him out of his panic mode. Never before had his panic attack ended before it ran its full course. Never before had one single voice had so much meaning in his life.

And then Dan uttered his first words to Phil, a quiet " thank you"

Then Phil was pulling him to his feet. Phil took him to the technology teachers room and found him a pair of noise cancelling headphones. Then Phil took him to the lunch room where they sat in silence, taking bites of their food once in a while, both in shock of what happened earlier. And then suddenly Phil put the noise cancelling headphones on him and looked into his eyes silently telling him it would be ok. All the kids got up and left but the two boys just sat there and stared at each other, alone until finally something snapped in Phil and he grabbed Dan's hands, leading him to the next class.

Dan never did get used to the noise of the bell. Whenever Phil forgot to put the headphones on him, he was put into the same trance only to be broke free by Phil. Eventually, Dan opened up to Phil and the two often sat in Dan's room for hours having deep conversations about the universe. Dan was able to express things to Phil that he had never been able to say to anyone else. None of the therapists Dan had ever seen had been able to get such things out of him but it seemed with Phil, he was just pulled to reveal his deepest darkest secrets. Finally school ended and the two spent the summer locked side by side. It had never occurred to Dan that Phil might someday leave. It wasn't until one day Phil came to him saying that he had to leave for college the next day. Dan was so shocked that he was brought into a panic attack so bad that not even Phil could pull him out of it. Finally he woke up hours later on the floor of his room. Phil was sitting next to him, not touching him. Finally Phil spoke

" I convinced my parents to let me stay with you. I'm going to go with you to all of your classes until you graduate. And then, if we decide to, we might go to college together. And if you want me to, we'll live together afterwards" Phil blushed " I never want to leave your side again." Phil laced their hands together and stared pleadingly into his eyes. For hours they just sat there, their eyes talking in some sort of hushed, secret language, expressing things not possible in the English language. Finally, Phil took Dan's face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

Later, Dan told Phil that Phil was like the moon and he was like the ocean. The moon controls the tides, pulling them here and there. He also expressed that Phil was like a bridge between he and the world. Phil always laughed when Dan said this, but Dan always knew they were the truth. They ended up not going to college, instead deciding to create a YouTube channel together. They decided that they would tell the viewers from the beginning about them. Dan found it hard to speak on camera but one look from Phil always calmed him down. Before Dan met Phil, he was lost, but now he was found.


End file.
